In the very distant year of 3067, something really great and very terrible would happen that would change so many complex and fundamental things about the human race that attempting to describe them to anyone who hadn't been there would be like trying to explain lesbians to Queen Victoria. Obviously, it was something profound and shocking - and anyone with the skill to put it in writing would make Steinbeck seem like sour grapes.
Thankfully, it was not that great year, and no one had to think all that hard to put their experience into words. People could continue to publish memoirs of the life they wished they had lived, wrapped in tinsel tragedy and glee - and other people would continue to wish they had been so troublingly beautiful.

And so it is that our collection of words begins. It starts with Joe.

Joe was that kind of guy. He was good in sports, he set a high-school record in an event involving running and jumping. He belonged as a love interest in a B-Movie - the only place where people were that perfect. He was handsome, strong, and kind. He knew about wine and how to calculate dress sizes in Versace, he saved bus-loads of schoolchildren and knew what the numbers on the sports page meant. You would want your daughter to marry Joe. His left foot had been found at the corner of Main and Vine by Benny Tomlin's pet dog, Schroeder. Your daughter will have to find someone else to marry, even if he won't be quite as perfect and they will divorce when their offspring are ages two and four.
It was determined that the foot belonged to Joe when his slightly homely sister who had never felt she was as perfect as he was found him at home without it. Joe was also out a few eyes and an essential muscular mass from within his rib-cage. His sister was a bit distraught and felt driven to inform the police.
Several hours later, it was determined that Joe had been murdered.

Who would do such a thing ?  Why Joe ?  Why our town ?  Why would anyone want to kill someone so young and physically attractive who paid his bills on time and treated women with respect ?

To be fair, the person who had killed Joe hadn't know any of that about him just like they hadn't known that Joe won a piano-playing competition when he was twelve or that he had helped build houses for the homeless.
The person who had killed Joe just wanted to try something new. The person was tired of Norwegian housewives and Japanese boys. And, to be fair, they weren't really a person at all. But then again, who is these days ?  The person that killed Joe was just looking for Americana like a rural Russian tourist in Las Vegas.
One can take solace in the fact that Joe died doing what he loved. Joe met a pretty young lady whose car with a flat tire had been stolen and she had been forced so uncharacteristically to camp out in front of a downtown bar that catered to men who enjoyed the company of other men a bit more than a man as perfect as Joe might have.

Joe saved the lady from the plight of mankind and downfall of morality and let her have his room as he took the sofa. Joe refrained from having any sexual thoughts about the woman. The woman was in love with the purity of his heart and he with hers. He could tell that English wasn't her native language and empathised with the fact that she must be so very scared what with being so alone in the world and all.
When Joe was watching the television with the volume off, the lady snuck up behind him and ripped his eyes out, enjoying the release of tension as the nerves snapped. No one heard Joe scream because he didn't scream - it would be impolite to make such noise with a lady asleep in the other room. It wasn't until the last moments of his life that he realised that perhaps he should have shouted so as to warn her.
She ate his heart as it was still beating as a very romantic gesture. She devoured it whole - clearly a lady experienced with swallowing. And, to be fair, she truly loved him.

She loved him so much, she took his foot with her, as a post-midnight snack. But she discovered that its callous nature didn't do justice to the man, and that is how it ended up on the corner of Main and Vine, tossed aside as she walked back to her motel.